Warning: This is sad if you own pets...

This is the time that I wish I did not own pets…when one dies. I have had plenty of rats die and that sucks enough but never a cat. I always dreaded this day but I thought they would also go in “order”. This was Freyja and she was only 10. It is unusual for a cat in renal failure to go so quickly (we just found out in July) but the vet seemed to think she might have had a tumor on her kidney as well.

All I know is it fucking sucks, it’s that simple. She stopped eating/drinking a few days ago and she just went downhill everyday since then. It was unbearable to watch her…she was too weak to walk and looked so uncomfortable. It was very stressful to make that decision and I never want to do it again. I have cried so much the past few days that I am amazed I can still produce tears. I cried non-stop in the vet’s office telling her repeatedly how much we love her and how sorry I am while she purred. God it was horrible. We decided to have her cremated separately and picked out a cute urn, a statue that looks like her. We stayed with her while it was performed…I know I’m crazy but I didn’t want her to be alone. It was pretty bad and I was unaware that her eyes would stay open. I was leaving the room, looking back hoping to see her ear twitch or something, wanting her to get up and start running around. I’m bawling again so I guess that’s it for now. I don’t even know what the hell I just wrote I’m so fucked up with grief.

I miss her terribly and want her back.