A mouth so clean you could eat off it…

Yep, that’s mine. It didn’t come without a price though. A price paid with my pure sweat, tears, heart palpitations, gripping agony, sharp pains from hell, sexual jokes made by dental hygienists, lectures made by every person in the building with any sort of dental training and a “plan”. Yes, a fucking PLAN. The girl who once thought of herself as the poster child for dental hygiene has cavities…plural. 2 little cavities? Oh no, more like 5 fucking cavities! Most are class I, which I guess means little surface dealies but either way you look at it, needles have to be stuck into my gums to correct this issue. Couldn’t I just watch Mau suffer and be happy? Nitrous is an option at this particular office but it comes with a hefty price tag that insurance will not pick up. Hell, they won’t pick up the entire bill anyways. I have to shell out $260 roughly since this dentist is on the pricier side. I would simply go elsewhere but that didn’t turn out so good for me last time and I actually trust this guy with his state of the art dentistry. With my intense anxiety, I really think that is more important in my case.

Now how could a girl who brushes her teeth 5 times a day, flosses daily and uses a proxy brush like a madwoman get cavities in 6 months time? I refuse to blame this on the poor, innocent gummi bears I consume daily (hey, I brush after indulging). I blame some of this on the crack ass place I went to 6 months ago. I believe the dentist overlooked some of these cavities with her 30 second once over. My new dentist used a fancy tool that beeped for trouble. The asshole hygienist at the old place also did a half ass cleaning. As my teeth moved upright, unslightly tartar was revealed in several spots that must have been right under my gums. Either he was unable to get to it without a deep cleaning or he just didn’t care. He did say something about “we’ll get it better next time”. There would be no next time since I swore to never set foot in that office again. Now, with a new hygienist, she really cleaned it up. I mean, my teeth look awesome now. If I catch a mirror in the right position, I nearly blind myself. I was very pleased with the office and staff, even though they gave me terrible news. I see it as sort of a bizarre blessing…I would much rather have this taken care of at the new office than at the old place. I fear that would have been an experience that would have scared me away from dentists for good.

I was in there for a long time. I pictured Mau waiting impatiently, pacing with worry about his precious wife, the woman who selflessly pushed an 8 lb human out of her for 2 hours. The woman who caringly washes his stinky socks and undies and puts them away. I kept that wonderful image in my head until I got into the car, moving aside the Skyline Chili container so I could sit down. I guess he was worrying while downing his cheese coneys.